damn-funny:

mum: clean ur room

me: haha unfollowed and blocked

spillybun:

My brain has a tiny Thanos inside who snaps his fingers and erases half my memories at any given moment

i-hold-the-snitch:

supremesaudi:

She was poetry, but he couldn’t read.”

His name was jarred hes nineteen

xmasphil:

♡

fondestphan:

🧠

honeycombphan:

Dan and Phil at the hospital today

fartgallery:

*puts a normal sized carrot in a bag of baby carrots so they have adult supervision*

10inchflaccid:

neutraldankhotel:

10inchflaccid:

neutraldankhotel:

you: *eats 100 ears of corn in two hours* I am the corn king! I cannot be outcorned

me: *eats 101 ears of corn in ten minutes* just another day in the corn fields

what?

I don’t know. i woke up at 6am, wrote this, and went back to sleep

hope youre okay

surprisebitch:

when u intentionally make a grammar/spelling mistake & someone corrects u

ayyvpd:

me .01 seconds after emphatically saying yes to plans

kaligay:

REBLOG RARE POSITIVE GORDON

demonetisation:

Regret

Giffing every SAP video: Bloody Mary

afreaux:

dollarwilliam:

afreaux:

yall want replies but we’ve had messenger pigeons since the 1800’s???

The last messenger pigeon died in 1914

i just saw a pigeon today?? put a letter on it